I was getting ready to begin my National Writing Project class at UNC-Charlotte. As usual, I was running late. At the time, I remember thinking that it should take no more than 30 minutes to get to campus, although for some reason on this day, with all of my dilly-dallying it took more than 45 minutes.
I walked into the building thinking that almost none of my classes as an undergrad started on time, so I was probably good.
As crickets could be heard chirping, I stumbled into the classroom. Honestly, it was probably a lot louder than that. I had sneakers that didn't fit me properly, so I was clumping all the way down the hallway. As I walked in, everyone was already seated in a huge circle and the only chair available was all the way across the room.
I scanned the room and looked over everyone as they looked at what a dishevled mess I was. We went around and introduced ourselves. I didn't remember what anyone was saying though because I was so focused on what I was going to say. Unfortunately, at this stage in my life this is how most intros went: "Hi, I'm Jeff!" As I extend my hand to shake all I hear is "Blah, Blah, Blah..." I was so bad at names, it was incredible. So, invariably, if I was interested in someone's friendship I had to go through the whole, "What was your name again?" type of discussion. I'm sure this grated on people who knew me. So, I explain who I am, where I was from, where I did my undergrad, etc. and then I basically fell asleep while everyone else introduced themselves. I always prided myself on being the considerate type. I made sure not to snore over the people introducing themselves.
The class lasted about an hour or 2 and was mostly involving ice breaker type activities which I hate. I would much rather sit back and be lectured to, while I fall asleep with my eyes open, especially at this early hour. Ice breakers invariably involve getting up, moving around and talking to people you don't know. This was not scoring points with me, for the point I've already raised. When the class was over, some people came up to me and asked me questions about my background. I'm sure my enthusiasm and alertness was contagious. One of them was Jill. She went to school near mine and recognized the name. We talked and she walked with me to the campus book store. My plan was to screw them over by getting the titles and authors of the books for my classes and then buying them on http://www.addall.com/. You can get any book there for a fraction of the cost of the ripoff book store. So, Jill and I walked there and then on my way back to the car we exchanged digits. You could definitely see all of my endearing qualities were on display that day.
Days later, we met for a concert before a NASCAR race. On the way up there, I announced that I was going to puke at any moment. I never puked, but you could see that I was on the path to charming my way into marriage.
So, to summarize, if you want to get married, fall asleep in an important class or meeting that someone else is paying for, then ignore people who introduce themselves to you, after this, try to show how deceptive, sneaky, and vindictive you can be. Then involve discussion of bodily fluids on your first date. You're sure to land the girl of your dreams!
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