Guest Blogger: The Dog Barker

Hello! 
I'm guest blogging for Daddy today!  I've had so much fun the past few days that I just can't help but tell you all about it.

First of all, Mommy and Daddy have decided that I'm such a good girl that I don't have to stay in my crate at all anymore.  Every now and again, I'll sniff around in there to get my best friends, Purple Bear, BaBa, or Duckie, but other than that, I can sleep on the couches, or just on the rug.  Plus, it's so nice to stretch out.  I haven't had any accidents, either.  I've learned my lesson about ripping the comforters and pillows to shreds.  Apparently, if you do that it isn't as much fun for the adults as it is for the Doggies.

Well, on Tuesday I got to go one of my favorite places in the whole world, THE GREENWAY!!!!  My favorite part is at the very end when I get to jump in the stream.  Daddy keeps me on the leash so when I jump in I make sure to splash him in hopes that he'll let go of the leash so that I can run and jump all the way down the stream bed.  Oh well.  A dog can dream, can't she?

We got back home and I had to take my medicine.  I've learned that if I stay really still Mommy will give me treats while Daddy puts the medicine on my skin.  Thank goodness it's only once a month, because I'm always so excited that I can barely sit still.

I don't want to upset Mommy, but I wish that she wouldn't take up so much room on the bed at night.  Sometimes I think that if I just keep moving over, she'll sleep on that flat pancake she calls a bed that sits on the floor next to the big bed.  She's so much nicer than Daddy though.  If I try to move over by him, he pushes me back and I end up having to jump off the bed in protest.  I sure do show him!

After my walk today, Mommy and Daddy gave me a bath.  My shampoo smells so GOOD!  I'll bet that they picked out the most expensive shampoo in the world, because boy does it make me feel like a whole new girl!  I hate when the water gets in my ears though.  At one point, Mommy turned her back and I shook some of the water off of my fur.  Ha Ha Ha!  You should have seen Daddy!  He looked like he had the measles with all of the wet spots on his T-Shirt.  Mommy was like, "What happened?"  Then Daddy showed her the wall where all the water was that I shook off.  I almost thought that someone painted a mural on the wall because as the water ran down, it created the coolest designs.  The best part about my bath is that Mommy always gives me treats if I sit still and don't squirm.  Especially on days like today when I'm sweating, it feels so good to take a bath.  Taking a bath reminds me of when Daddy pulls out the big Whale pool in the backyard.  When he's trying to fill the pool with water, I like jumping in and splashing everything in site!  Ahhhhhh!  What a life!

Well, it's almost time for my nightly snack!  (Psss:  I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!) Thank you, Daddy for letting me guest blog!  Good night!

Sammie

Walmart is the worst store EVER! DO NOT SHOP THERE!

Why does anyone shop there?  I can't understand it.  The whole place is ghetto and trashy and the whole corporate philosophy is destroying America as we know it. 
They start by charging low prices for things.  How can they do this?  They pay next to nothing for their employees.  So, while other establishments hire and train individuals to suceed in multiple situations, Walmart hires largely unskilled labor, and they train these individuals by forcing them to watch computer videos for "x" number of hours.  The videos are so boring that they make watching paint dry exciting.  I can think of no better way to learn, than to sit in an isolated room with sketcho lighting watching a video.  Contrast that with other companies who put their new hires on the floor and expose them to a variety of situations and have them learn by doing.  Walmart will never be able to do this, because the people in leadership roles don't know how to run a retail establishment, much less teach another.

Case in point.  We go for some odds and ends this weekend and have a coupon for "Any 2" of Right Guard Deordorant.  In the aisle, there was a 2 pack that was priced slightly less than 2 individuals.  I picked up the 2 pack.  I can see this either way, that the 2 pack was 1 Right Guard Product, or that the 2 pack consisted of 2 products because it wasn't like you were getting one for free, they were just packaged together.  That's not my beef.  Cutting to the chase the coupon was refused, of course, and then the blonde haired Customer Service Manager, with the attractive Tatoo on her forearm, (Why didn't I get one of those?  It could have read "Mother".  Darn!) told me that it was Walmart's policy that they had to be individual purchases.  I was like, where is the policy stated?  She digs through a file cabinet for a few seconds and then comes back (Mind you, for some obscene reason I've been waiting for 5 minutes while the cashier is laughing and carrying on with her friend instead of getting the Tatooed Service Manager) and takes the coupon and scans it to illicit the error message.  "See, it doesn't scan," she retorts "intelligently".  Has she ever in her life heard of an override?  I ask to speak to a store manager.  She tells me that he's out getting a tatoo as well and won't be back until Monday.  Like, she's the head of the operation at the moment.  Seriously?  But for my consolation prize, I can call back on Monday and speak to him.  I leave all of my belongings there and go home and call the Manager.  Guess who's back already?  It wasn't even Sunday yet, let alone Monday.  Must be the ink shop is right around the corner from Walmart.  As for the Jesse James hooker wanna be, you're a liar, you can't count to 2, that's why the coupon didn't make sense to you, and you smell. 

So, I'm not pissed about Mrs. Alice Cooper not taking the coupon. 
What is the 1st rule that you learn in retail? 
THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!! 
Apparently you don't learn that behind the computer training program at Walmart.
I wasn't yelling, screaming, or being irrational.  I had 2 sticks of deodorant and the coupon called for 2.  What was the problem?  Right Guard wasn't going to give a crap as long as the coupon wasn't expired.  Just key in the stupid coupon, tell me I can't do it again and let's all be on our merry little way.  Instead, I will never shop at TattoovilleWalmart again and I left my entire purchase at the register that day to show them that I wouldn't stand for their tatoo lingo crap.
I HATE WALMART AKA THE TATOO PARLOR!!
This makes 2 places on my do not shop list.
Target - As you'll remember, their holiday prices are ridiculous.  I'm pretty sure there was an 80% markup on most of their candy, so that they can sell it at 75% the day after the holiday and still make money.  Those crooks
Walmart - For just plain sucking, and making sure that the face of their business is a living memorial to Popeye with the forarm tatoo.

The 4 Pizzas!

Sometimes life just tosses you a bone.  I had a GRRRRRR8 dinner this past Sunday.  Jill and I went to go eat over Meghan and Frank's house.  We were treated to 4 pizzas and I'm not talking Domi-hoe's.  These were homemade pizzas on the grill and my favorite was all of them.  Let me try to remember all 4.  We had Pesto (I think), BBQ chicken, pepperoni.  The first pizza was gone so quickly that I cannot for the life of me remember what it was.  We absolutely devoured it. 
Kevin and Kristen made a really great dessert as well.  It was like Strawberry Shortcake with Ice Cream!  Yum!
That reminds me of the infamous Chili incident.

When I was about 8 or 9, we used to go over my grandma's house every day after school.  She would watch us while my mom worked.  One day, grandma told us that we would be having Strawberry Shortcake for dessert.  My favorite at the time!!!!  The only reason it isn't now, is because every sweet is tied for first.  It's amazing I'm not 500 pounds.
Anyway, for every pot of gold, there is a trap door.  The meal for the day was Chili, which up until that point I had no opinion on.
Grandma sat down my sister and I and we both tried the Chili and hated it.  It was the worst food to touch my taste buds.  I think I threw up in my mouth on multiple occasions. 
We protested to Grandma that the Chili was awful, risking having our mouth washed out with soap.  I'm not sure that she would have, but it seems to add good drama to the story.
Grandma was having none of it.  She said that if we wanted Strawberry Shortcake, then we would have to eat all of the Chili.  My sister was like, no problem, pushed the bowl away and went to play.  I LOOOOOVED Strawberry Shortcake, so I suffered through the Chili, bite after miserable bite.  It must have taken me over an hour to eat that one bowl.  My mouth was burning, my eyes watering and my taste buds were disgusted.
I got my Strawberry Shortcake, which tasted like heaven after eating the worst Chili ever.

Epilogue -
Years later, Grandma told me that she tried the Chili while I was eating and thought it was the worst thing she ever tried also.  I was like, "Grandma, if the Chili was so bad why did you make me eat the entire thing?"  Grandma's reasoning was that if I was willing to eat the entire dish to get dessert, then she didn't want to reward my sister who had not slaved through this madness with dessert. 
First of all, let me define willing.  I was not willing.  I only kept at it because I wanted that darn dessert. 
Second of all, I didn't give a rip whether or not my sister had suffered. 
Third of all, I will never touch a bowl of chili ever again.  Years ago, we had a Chili-Off at work, where everyone made a pot of chili and we tried them all to see whose was the best.  I skipped the whole ordeal and went out for McDonald's.  I was the only individual to do so.  Now that's some sweet action.