The Donnas...

...Rock it out!

Of all the music I listen to and/or follow, The Donnas have to be my favorite band.  They went mainstream back around 2002-2004ish with the release of Spend The Night.  The song "Take It Off" was all over MTV, the radio, etc.  Right around the same time, "Who Invited You" was released from the same album and suddenly this all-girl band was on the map.

I love their music, but I have to say that I'm a relative newbie compared to most "Donnaholics".  Besides Spend The Night, I also own Gold Medal and Bitchin'.  I've asked for Greatest Hits Volume 16 for Christmas, so hopefully this will fill in a few gaps for me.

So, about the band and what makes them so popular.  At the start, each of the four girls were named Donna with their real initial. For example, Donna R., Donna A., etc.  After some time, the girls seemed to have ditched these monikers for their real names: Maya, Allison, Brett, Torry.

Throughout the years, I've listened to their music but not really followed the band too closely.  They don't often tour to the city closest to my part of the east coast - Charlotte - and the music was my main love, so that was good enough for me. 

To backtrack a little, when Gold Medal came out, circa 2004ish, I had heard some press about this being a more mellow album due to someone in the bad having some physical problems of some sort.  Not sure what I heard or who had the problems, or even what the issues were, but I loved the collection, so I never questioned it any further.  Then, back to the present, I realized that a friend of mine from the left coast is also a fan of their music, so we got to talking about the band and it made me think that I should do some research and find out if the band had any plans to travel to the Queen City.  Long story short, no tour is currently in the works.  Or maybe it is, and nothing has been released.  In any event, as I was going through the clips of articles, I noticed that Donna C., a.k.a. Torry Castellano a.k.a. the band's drummer is no longer with the band.  It seems that back in the early to mid 2000's when I had heard that the band was focusing on slowing things down it was because Torry had developed some type of wrist injury that she eventually had surgery to repair.  According to what I read, she relearned how to hold the drumsticks and everything.  Then sometime in 2008 (I could be way off with the dates, so bear with me), she apparently developed pain in her shoulder.  This eventually forced her to retire from the band.  Retire at 30ish...don't we all wish...

As I thought about it more and more, I couldn't help but feel awful for her.  She is doing the thing she loves more than anything (this could be a stretch, but I have to believe if you're making music and touring with a band of your best friends, then at least on some level this is your greatest love, right?) 

I mean, just imagine if something happened to me and I couldn't go to work and run the selling report that my boss is going to lose on his desk before it eventurally ends up in the garbage.  Or if something happened to me and I lost my creative ability to develop advertising in the system that sucks the life out of you by giving you an error message every 2 minutes, or by having you retype everything until you have memorized every word of every ad down to a "T".  Ok, well maybe my examples aren't mano-e-mano with Torry's but you get the idea.  I'm obsessed with tragedy, I've decided.  I find something tragic, which I believe this situation is, and then I have dreams about turning back time and making everything better.  Most times it involves people I don't know and probably never will know.  But I have a strong sense of empathy and wish that people didn't have to go through the things people have to go through. 

In the end, I hope that The Donnas have success with their new drummer, Amy Cesari, and that Torry enjoys a life free of pain and full of excitement. 

I'll leave you with this...Treat yourself to The Donnas today!  Gold Medal and Bitchin' are awesome listens...who am I kidding...everything from The Donnas is a great listen!  Your ears will thank you!!!!

ESCAPE TO EXCALIBUR!

You know the parents, they always want to know when you get somewhere so that they can stop worrying.  Well, we got in at like 3am, so I sent my parents this picture as a text.  Somehow, they made the connection that we had arrived!

Wow!  What a vacation we just had at Excalibur in Las Vegas!  We spent Friday-Monday there and had a great time!  We made some great friends, of which we got information on zero - so there's no chance of us keeping in touch.  Nice job to us. 

There was Marth from the plane.  She is studying to be a doctor in Atlanta and we met her on the plane.  Mercifully, she likes to talk almost as much as we do, which made the 4.5 hour flight go by a little quicker.  I was pretty sure that I was going to have to sleep the entire flight in order to make the time go by fast.  Most interesting set of crossword puzzles I've ever worked on. 

Then there were 4 people we met at the pool.  Again, should have gotten info, but instead a big fat "You Stink" to us.  George Bueno and Christian Sanchez were the funniest duo ever.  Pretty sure George has sampled every decent eatery in all of Vegas.  "As you can see, I like to eat..." was his mantra.  Then Daniela and Kristen (or maybe Crystal - sorry, I wasn't there for the intros) from Grand Junction, Co and I shared a moment when we saw a 70 year woman in a thong bikini.  Yuck!  This woman was seriously like 100 pounds soaking wet, and not a piece of eye candy.  Then we proceeded to spot all of the funny things that people were wearing/doing around the pool.  You want a good slice of life?  Go to a resort pool and you'll see more than you could have imagined.

Ok, so now onto the rest of the trip.  As I mentioned, we stayed at Excalibur, which was a HUGE step up from Bill's Gamblin Hall (That's where we stayed in January).  Bill's probably isn't too bad when it's offseason because there is no pool to be concerned with.  Excalibur had 3 pools and they were all awesome!  One had a water slide on it, of which I was the only one that did not go down it.  The funniest part is that Fish went down the slide with a totally serious look on his face.  Everyone else is smiling and laughing and having fun.  Fish is coming down the slide looking like the Secret Service or something.

The gaming was good to us.  In very limited action, I doubled my money.  I didn't start with a lot, so don't get too excited about that statement.  Let's just say I don't have a problem when it comes to gambling.  The coolest scenario was at Red Rocks Casino, where they have digital screens to keep track of your money and total up your cards for you.  It's great because I don't have to try to add my total to figure out how to proceed.  Then I can hit or stand all at the touch of a button.

This is me outside my favorite place in all of Vegas - New York, New York!

The sights were tremendous!  We had a great view of my favorite place on the strip - New York, New York!  The food was also great!  We went to Ellis Island Casino - they have this great special - 10oz steak, vegetable, mashed potato, salad, and a beer or pop of your choice for 7.99!  You'd think by the price that the quality is lacking, but this was one of the best steaks I've ever had!  We toured around many of the casinos.  The coolest thing I saw was a Lion exhibit inside MGM Grand!  That was pretty awesome!  The worst part of the trip, for many reasons, was the flight back.  I hate leaving Vegas because that means I have to get back to the real world. 

As for this picture - You're probably thinking that I grabbed this stuff off a shelf in a store to pose for this picture.  Sadly, I actually own the glasses and the vegas beads.  Stay classy!

Last thing to remember - if you should ever go to Vegas on a holiday, don't even think about the buffet at the Bellagio for less than $32 a person.  What a rip off.  Needless to say, we did not eat there.  We went to a restaurant inside Monte Carlo one morning, then buffet at Excalibur (for $15 a person) the next.  Much more affordable fare!  Very delicious, also!

Vacation in Orlando

July 2 - We went to pick up my parents from the airport. Up until this point the trip was wonderful. That sounds funny, but I don't mean that against my parents in any way. We had not hit any toll roads or excessive traffic, so it was awesome! As soon as we picked up my parents we hit so many tolls that I swear we financed their next road project. We immediately went over to Celebration, Florida, which, as I understand it, was formerly owned by Disney. In any event, it was beautiful there! We ate lunch at one of the lakeside shops in the village and walked around from shop to shop. We found a dog bakery and bought some 4th of July treats for Sammie and then found a shop that was selling $5 4th of July shirts with Celebration, Florida on them. We each chose a different design. Our goal was to come back to Celebration for the fireworks display on Monday so we walked around to see where the best area was to see the fireworks.




After some time, we drove down to the church that was near Celebration and went to Mass. It was a nice church, which seemed to be brand new. After this, we went to a local Italian restaurant back in Kissimee to celebrate our anniversary. It was an ok establishment, but not great. The food was fine, but it was more of a greasy spoon, than an elegant restaurant. Personally, I'm glad that I forgot the name because I won't be going there again. We went to Publix then and got a cake to celebrate and went back to our condo to have cake and coffee and open presents. Jill got a computer for her anniversary gift, Dad got a 40th anniversary Buffalo Sabres photo book, Mom got a Keurig K-Cup storage drawer, some K-cups, and a gift card to a massage parlor. Mom and Dad were having birthdays, so that is why they were getting gifts. I had gotten my gift before we left, so that is why I did not get a gift that day.







July 3 - This day, we planned to drive to see Jill's mom. She lives just south of Tampa, so all in all we were traversing the whole state. We got on Interstate 4 and (some would say predictably) there was a furniture truck about 1/4 of a mile in front of us that caught on fire. The whole highway shut down as police cars and fire engines zoomed by us. Everyone shut off their cars and began walking around to see what was going on, including Jill. There was a car next to us with a long-haired dark skinned man, who we referred to as Lenny Kravitz, and then another guy who seemed to be following him around giving directions, who we referred to as "The Manager". Lenny and The Manager popped the trunk of their car and began to set up for a picnic, including bottles of pop and snacks. We turned off the car for a period of time, and then realizing how foolish this was in the Florida heat and humidity turned it back on so that we could run the A/C. After a couple of hours, we finally were able to get moving, just as The Manager finished his Mountain Dew. We made it to see Jill's mom around 4:00 and then had dinner with her mom and grandfather, who lives next door to Jill's mom. We talked for awhile and had a nice dessert, then got back in the car and drove back to our resort without incident. It's funny, but when you go to see relatives, it almost always involves a meal and talking. There isn't any going out, or big event. It's always something lazy.







July 4 - This was our most active day on the trip, and also one of the more frustrating. After breakfast we drove down to Disney Marketplace and walked through the communities surrounding it, as well as all of the shops. We took the small tourist boat to get from one end to the other and I couldn't help thinking when we were in the middle of the lake that the bars/clubs around this area must gain a lot of attention after hours. My parents bought my newphews some Mickey Mouse bobbleheads and we took a shuttle bus, then a skytram around to visit all of the theme parks. We didn't go in any of them. We were just checking everything out.After our experience with the traffic yesterday, we decided that traveling to Celebration to see the Fireworks would not be a good idea. There was one main access road to let people in and out of the area and the section of Celebration where the Fireworks were going off was deep into the community, so we probably would be sitting in traffic for quite some time. We decided to go to get some pizza from Pizza Hut and bring it back to our condo and watch the Fireworks from our screened in porch. What a great decision that was! We had a tremedous view of the area as well as 3-4 sets of fireworks. The only thing we missed out on was music, but it was a great night. We had some more anniversay/birthday cake and all-in-all called it a great night. One of the big things that we were trying to figure out is where I could find a whimsical themed picture frame that read "Orlando". There were several that were "Disney World" themed, but I didn't want one of those because we weren't going to Disney and I preferred to have a themed frame from the area instead of a theme park. This would prove to be very challenging.







July 5 - We started off the day by going to have breakfast at Bob Evans. This is one of my Mom's favorite places to have breakfast. We started off the day by going to the various Flea Market/Premium Outlet Malls that were in the area. We walked around those for some time, with the majority of the experience being to distract my dad from buying overpriced junk. We continued to look for the elusive frame, without luck. Other than a free key chain that Jill got, neither her nor I made a purchase. My dad bought a pair of aviator sunglasses "Pull 'er over" and some socks. Apparently they don't sell those in New York. I actually think the real reason was that he forgot to pack any and was looking for a store and figured he could get a better deal at this Flea Market, but the booth owners seemed to be doing some shady math. After walking the Premium Outlets, we went back to the condo and decided to hit the pool. Amazingly, we had been in Orlando for over 4 days and this was the first time we were in the water. There was a blow up ball and the 4 of us played a game of how many times we could hit the ball before it hit the ground. Our record was 66. After some time, we went back to the room and got ready for dinner. That night, we went to eat at Don Pablo's Mexican Restaurant. It was so good! Jill got 2 gigantic Margaritas that must have put into orbit. Both of us had bottomless tacos. That night, we went back home and immediately hit the treadmill, before relaxing on the screened in porch.











July 6 - We woke up and decided to make this a longer pool day. My dad scouted out the pool and noticed that there was a section of chairs that was almost entirely shaded by trees. We staked out these chairs and literally spent hours there. Jill and I resumed our blow up ball hitting contest and set a 2 person record of 76. That night we went to have dinner at The Melting Pot. This is one of our favorite restaurants. My parents especially love the chocolate fondue at the end. My only complaint is that I wish there was a bottomless plate of stuff to dunk in the chocolate. This was our first encounter with awful traffic. We literally sat in traffic for about an hour. That put a damper on the whole evening. Once we got to The Melting Pot, it was great, but the traffic would be the story for the next 3 days. After eating there, which is more of an experience rather than a meal, we returned to our condo and went for a walk before unwinding with the Yankee game.







July 7 - We started off with breakfast at Perkins. This is one of my favorite restaurants. One time, when I was at St. Bonaventure, I walked to Perkins with my friends and while in was in the Perkins, the temperature dropped some 20-30 degrees and it began snowing. The cup of pop that I stole from there was completely frozen solid by the time that I walked home, as was I with my shorts on. After Perkins we drove to Historic Kissimmee and walked around the downtown area. There was an interesting Farmer's Market set up where a guy was playing musical instruments in ungodly heat. The antique shops must have thought that air conditioning was too modern for them because they were all using fans. I could do all of those people a favor by taking a well lit match to that place. After walking around there, we went back to the pool and promptly got rained on. It was so refreshing though that we stayed in the water. It was not lightning, so there was no risk. That night we went to dinner at Bonefish Grill. At this point, the rain was torential and traffic was absurd. I was struggling to think of 2 days in my life where I had encountered traffic this bad. After a great meal at Bonefish, we went back to the condo and had dessert and coffee before going for a walk.







July 8 - We were fighting the clock with a lot of food in our condo as this was our last full day and we still had a lot of food to eat, so we had a gigantic breakfast at home, then my parents went to the pool, while I stayed behind to watch the shuttle launch. I took stock of this momentus occasion by taking a picture of the television screen with my cell phone as the shuttle was taking off. After this, I walked down to the pool. We were all pretty baked at this point, so dad was physically moving around as many umbrellas as possible to block the sun from us. We noticed just about everyone at this resort was of English decent so our running joke was that we were sitting next to "Cheerio" or "these lads were walking by us". It was pretty funny because my dad would not whisper these phrases. After a few hours at the pool, we went to the Florida Mall and walked around. Dinner was low-key at Ruby Tuesdays and of course traffic was again an issue. They really need to figure that out, especially with as many roads as they have, you would think there would be a way to thin things out, but I guess not. We stopped off for some ice cream/Slurpees, and then went home and began to pack.







July 9 - This was a sad day, because our trip was over. We were going to drive home in one day, so we had to check out, have breakfast/brunch and then leave. We dropped my parents off at the airport around 11, and then met up with Jill's mom and grandfather around 2 to drive back home. It was very stormy that day as we drove by the coast of Florida and into Georgia. By the time we got home, it was around 9:30 and I was very glad because Jill and her grandfather were in the car in front of me and I was driving by myself with nothing but Pearl Jam to keep me company.  Once we dropped off Jill's grandfather, we had to drive another 30 minutes to pick up Sammie.  I was completely exhausted by that point, probably looking like death warmed over.  By the time we got into our neighborhood, I was never more happy to see our house.

Who is this girl?

Her name is Suzi Barrett.  You may know her from the latest E-Surance (You know the one where she gets into a back and forth with the All-Time Greatest Esurance salesman or whatever he is) or Metamucil (You know the one where she is on an exercise bike balancing a ridiculous amount of activities, one of which includes Metamucil)commercials.  Look up her video on YouTube or wherever about why she hates LA and you'll think she's hilarious!  I think it's only a matter of time before she's a household name on some sit-com or a star on Comedy Central.  She could be up for a SNL gig. 

What are you waiting for?  Watch the video - Warning though - it's pretty profane, so if you're not into that, go google Radio Disney or the like.

Blog #2

Hey!  I'm working on another blog.  Feel free to stop by there if you have some time.

http://jleardini2.blogspot.com/

I'm going to be updating both.  Well, actually if you look at the frequency by which I've updated this blog, you might be thinking "Why not try updating one at a time, before trying to tackle two?"

I've thought of that, but to be honest, I felt like there were some different things that I wanted to try and I felt like if I created a new blog it would force me to write more often.  It hasn't worked yet, but never fear, I will come up with more entries.

Summer of Jeff - July Update

Summer of Jeff is continuing. 

I just got back from an AwEsOmE vacation in Orlando.  Surprisingly, there weren't a lot of people down there.  We did not hit up any of the theme parks though, so that could be a reason why.  Now, don't get me wrong.  The traffic is off the hook.  The reason for that is the traffic lights are not even close to being coordinated.  You'll go through the first light, and then the second light will be red.  In addition to this, the second light will be about 500 feet past the first, so the traffic backs up through the original light.  Basically, what I'm trying to say is that it took us several cycles to get through both of the lights.  To travel 8 miles one day, it took us an hour and a half.  I cannot emphasize enough that there wasn't a lot of traffic and we had to endure these lurid driving conditions.  Another problem when driving in Orlando is that you can get psyched out by the toll roads.  You want to avoid the toll roads, because taking them can get costly.  However, if you don't travel on the 75 cent toll road, you might drive an extra 15-20 minutes to get to the same point.  With gas hovering around 3.49 a gallon, you can easily save money by taking the toll road.  Too bad I didn't think about this before we drove all over creation.  HA HA....right....

The best part of the trip was that I got to just relax.  I spent a lot of time by the pool at our resort.  It was great because the pool was not chlorinated.  It was salt water, which normally I don't like, but this wasn't the same salt to water ratio as the ocean.  It was far less.  So, the salt didn't bother me at all. 

Want to go to Orlando and save some cash on lodging?  My advice is to go to Vacation Rentals by Owner.  You can google that and it will take you to the website.  I believe that it's http://www.vrbo.com/ or something similar to that.  We were looking at paying over $2000 for lodging before going to VRBO.  Once we contacted a few places on their website, we ended up paying right around $1100.  The best part is that we didn't get some rinky-dink hotel room.  We got a 3 bedroom condo with a kitchen and all the pots, pans, utensils, and the like.

One thing I didn't like about Orlando was that I had to leave so soon.  I came back home and the temperature was much higher than it was in Florida.  Plus there was the whole "End of Vacation" thing.  All-in-all, it was a terrific vacation.  We came back to some great tile work in our sunroom!  Now our entire downstairs is lineolium free!  That has to be the cheapest flooring ever.  I'm so glad to be done with that starter flooring.

Summer of Jeff!

So, Tuesday was the first day of summer...
The Summer of 2011 is officially declared the Summer of Jeff Leardini!

1.  The Yankees are only a game out of 1st place despite having almost everyone either on the disabled list or "taking a day off" because apparently baseball players can't play two games in a row anymore without requiring a break.
2.  We are about to get brand new tile in our sunroom!  This will put an end to the dreadfull lineolium that we had on our first floor.  We still have it upstairs in our laundry room and guest bathroom, but hardly anyone goes in there, so it's not nearly as bad.  At least on the main floor of the house the entire flooring situation looks respectable.
3.  According to the Farmer's Almanac (Are those things really accurate?), the months of July and August are supposed to be cooler than normal by 2-3 degrees on average in our area.  We'll see if this comes true, but it seems like a step in the right direction.
4.  If the NFL plays this year, which it looks like we should be getting to an agreement any day now, then I'll be working NFL games as in-bowl Customer Relations!  Yahoo!  Now, if I could only convince someone that they need me to work this position for the Super Bowl, then I'm all set!
5.  Visiting with the family!  We're going to get together and have a vacation.  I only get to see my parents a couple of times a year, so it'll be nice to have this happen in the summer where we don't have to stay inside or risk freezing to death!
6.  Sammie!  How could the perfect summer not include the perfect dog!  She's the best, except for when she wants to give out the "Good Morning Licks" at 6 in the morning. 

Major Payne

One of my favorite movies of all time is Major Payne, starring Damon Wayans.  He is tasked with getting a disorganized JROTC group at a prep school to win the Virginia Military Games. 
Major Payne comes to meet with the squad and half of them are in uniform, the other half in what amounts to a Good Will's worth of clothing.  They look sloppy, disheveled and otherwise undisciplined.  He proceeds to insult just about everyone in the group.

Boy 1 Sneezes
Payne to Boy: " Did I give you permission to sneeze, Opie?"
Boy: "No, sir"
Payne: "Then you hold it in you big-eared turd..."

He ends up having to do 25 push-ups for sneezing in Major Payne's face

Boy 2 is Giggling at Boy 1
Payne to Boy 2: "bedeep, bedeep, bedeep, bedeep...what are you laughing at pig boy?"
He continues: "...you know what, I'm going to help you make room for lunch Bacon Boy.  Drop down, give me 30 situps now."

A third boy has to give him 20 squat-thrusts (possibly the worst exercise that can be done for punishment)
Eventually Boy 1 has to do 25 more push ups -
Major Payne to Boy 4
"...and what is your damage muscle head?  Are you stupid, ignorant, or just plain old deaf?"
Boy 1:  "Yes sir, actually he is deaf"
Major Payne to Boy 1:  "Oh, thank you.  Now drop down and give me 25 more FOR SPEAKING OUT OF LINE!"
And off he goes to do 25 more push-ups.  This entire sequence has to be one of my favorite in all of movies because Major Payne is just ripping each boy up and spitting them out.  Too funny!

So, About That Last Post...

No sooner do I submit the last post than I notice how incredibly hot it has gotten yesterday afternoon.  Long story short - Don't cut off your nose to spite your face!

There was no way our house was cooling down last night.  We could have had a fan in every window, so we broke down and turned on the AC.  What a great decision!  When I woke up this morning, it was warmer outside than it was in our house.  Ugh!  Just imagine if I had slept through that mess!  The morale of the story is that once the overnight low gets to be 68 or higher in the east, there is no amount of cooling you can do with open windows because the air is as thick as pea soup. 

After a few tense moments where the temperature was out of control, the house began to cool down and we were good to go.  We were still able to conserve though, because we were able to turn the AC off during the day, so there was a good 8-10 hours where the AC was not running - this while it was 101 degrees today!  When it cools down a  little bit we will be able to run it a little less, but as I said before, no need to be penny wise and dollar foolish.

The Grass Isn't Always Greener...wait, is that a Woodpecker?

In the "My Alarm Clock is Broken" category...

So, I'm sleeping the other morning and I hear this "waking the dead" kind of noise.  No idea what it is, but it's bothering me from the remainder of my slumber.  By the time I realize something has woken me up, the noise disappears and I am free to go back to sleep, except there it is again.  I turn over and notice that Jill is sleeping with her face towards mine.  That spells instant problem because she is a notorious mouth breather and I've now realized that she is inflicting some kind of bodily harm on my eardrums.  I go to nudge the top of her head and she shrieks out, "I'M NOT SNORING!  IT'S A WOODPECKER OUTSIDE AND IT'S KEPT ME UP FOR THE PAST HALF HOUR!" 

I walk over to our bathroom window, which is still open despite scorching heat (More on that later), and try to look out for our friendly neighborhood woodpecker.  Of course, I can't see anything.  Even if I had my contacts in, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have seen anything.  All of a sudden, I hear this jackhammer type noise and it sounds like it's coming from the part of the wall I'm leaning against.  I do what every problem solver might do in this situation, I pound the wall.  The noise goes away, and I'm left to wonder at this point whether or not this woodpecker is living in the walls of our home, or maybe the attic, or who knows where. 

Did I mention that the clock reads 6:27 am at this point?

A few days go by and there is no further performances from Woody.  But with the Memorial Day Weekend in full swing, he has been out with avengence.  Every morning, between 6:27 and 6:47, he has come back to our home.  I mentioned this to my dad and he suggested getting the hose and squirting him if I can see him from outside.  While I wasn't able to do this, I did notice that he is on top of our roof pecking at our gutter (which is made of aluminum, not wood).  This pecking of the gutter is making a noise that is reverberating throughout our house.  I think he's either mentally challenged, or this is some rudimentary form of beak sharpening.  My way to combat this over the past several mornings has been to go over and hit the wall/window and Woody flies away to another locale for the matinee performance. 

Good to know that he'll continue to come around because if the power goes out, I'm not going to have to worry about the alarm clock.  Woody's got me covered.

Heh, heh, heh-heh-heh.....That's all folks!

Cool Cash!

I really hate heating and air conditioning.  Mainly because all of the nasty particles that are in your house get sucked into your vents.  Then, no matter how good your air filters are, you end up breathing that junk back into your lungs.  People wonder why they are sick or have stuffy noses.  So each spring and fall, I relish the opportunity to turn off my heating and cooling system and open up the doors and windows.  The past twelve months have seemed much warmer than in years past.  I don't think I was able to turn off the A/C until deep into October and now here we are approaching 90 degrees on a daily basis and it's not even June yet.  In order to stem the tide for a few more weeks, what we have done is employed use of my trusty box fan.  Here is how it works -

Step 1: When we wake up in the morning, we wait until 8 or 9 (basically until the sun begins to hit the front of the house) and we shut all of the windows and doors.  We leave the blinds closed so that the sunlight is blocked from coming in.  We have those faux wood blinds from Lowe's that are white so they let in a good amount of light even if they are closed.

Step 2: Once the indoor and outdoor temperatures begin to equalize, or once the sun stops hitting the front of the house we open everything back up.  This worked until the overnight temperatures crept into the 60s.  Once this happened, our house wouldn't cool off fast enough.  The air is cooler outside, but there is no breeze to bring it inside, so we're stuck with the same stagnant air we've had all day.  At this point, we move on to Step 3.

Step 3:  We take our large box fan and stick it in the side window.  It's perfect here, because it's not visible from the road, or neighbors behind us.  This will ensure that we won't get the "Redneck Warning Notice" or "RWN" as I like to call it, from our Home Owner's Association. 

As a side note, are the Home Owner's Associations becoming like the mafia or is it just me?  We just a slap on the wrist when we moved into the neighborhood because of the red mulch in our front yard.  Not because it looked sloppy; because it was red.  Their logic was because if they allow red mulch, then they have to allow blue mulch, green mulch, etc.  Are you kidding me with this?  No one makes blue or green mulch.  It was the most capricious argument I had ever heard of.  I'm all for the HOA, because I don't want to live in a neighborhood with people parking on their front lawn, or putting a couch on their front porch, etc., but come on.  We had to get approval every time we wanted to plant a daisy by our mailbox.  (Fortunately, this ridiculous approval process has since gone away.)

Now that I took that tangent way out into left field, I'll go back to my clean air fantasy.  Last night, as an example, the temperature dropped 8 degrees in our house from the time we put in the fan, until the time we woke up the next morning.  We could have spent a bundle and used our A/C.  However, the fans - Which use almost nothing in electricity by comparison - did the job and gave us a cool night.  Best of all, our air is as clear as the suburbs will allow.  Once May turns into June, the humidity will hit and there will be no amount of fans that can cool off our home then, so we have to enjoy this while it lasts. 

A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush...

Who is going around thinking of these phrases?  I understand this to mean that the catch that you have is better than two that you could potentially get, but come on.  Unless you're hunting, why would you have a bird in your hand?

Discretion is the Better Part of Valor -
Now this is one of my favorite sayings.  I have to admit though, I'm still in the learning stage on this one.  Sometimes, it's so tempting to say exactly what is on your mind.

For example, we were eating dinner at my grandmother's house when we were younger and my uncle (her son) was recounting the Billy Joel song "Only The Good Die Young".  He said "Ma, if only the good die young, then you're going to live to be 150."
Perhaps, discretion could have been used here.  I have to admit though that it was pretty funny. 

The best part about writing this random blog is that while I'm typing, my wife, the Phillies fan, is sitting next to me, riveted by the Yankees-Orioles extra inning game.  To be honest, I'm not even riveted.  Sick to my stomach is probably more appropriate.  I mean, not to belabor the point, but if this game gets any worse, we're going to need a wet cleanup next to the couch.

Excuse me while I cut your head off to get ahead...

People don't care in this day and age.  To paraphrase Nene Leakes from The Celebrity Apprentice People will cut your darn head off to win.  Not news, I realize, but when did life become so impersonal?  I remember when I was in high school and college, my jobs were the best!  I loved going to work.  I tell many people that the best job that I've ever had was the one where I made $6.00 an hour cashing out people at the gas station. 
I remember that I came in to work on my birthday and all of the people who worked there came in to wish me a happy birthday and they made me cupcakes and we had a great time.  Now, you're lucky if you get the "Happy Birthday" email.  Then there's the card that everyone that works in the office signs and there is nothing close to a personal message in the card.  It's so impersonal that it's ridiculous.

Thinking back to that job, many of my favorite lines were born there:
1.  From a DJ that used to come by at least twice a week, in response to playing objectional music for an upcoming party he was working:
"That would fly like a fart in church"
2.  To a coworker when discussing our dumpster, which was painted blue:
"You have a date with Big Blue"
3.  Regarding the temperature that was out of control
Person 1: "Man, is it hot in here or is it just me?"
Person 2: "Oh no, it's me!"
4.  Coworker obsessively trying to clear something from eye:
Person 1 - "There's something in my eye"
Person 2 - "Ok.....ok....enough with the cheesy pick up lines"
5.  Proprietor to employee 1:
"Can I see you in the Manager's Office?"
Employee 2 to Employee 3
"Wonder what that is all about..."
Employee 3 *Winks*
"Oh she's going in there for a little extra..."*Nods and smiles*

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Love On The Big Screen

Love On The Big Screen is a novel, written by William J. Torgerson.  This book is about a guy, named Zuke, who is trying to find love. 
In many ways, I can relate to Zuke.  Throughout my formative years, many people would tell me that I was trying too hard to fall in love or find the right girl.  At times, I would say that Zuke is obsessed.  It seems like he has a whole business plan for how to capture the heart of Abby. 
To show you how the story is layed out, I had forgotten Abby's name.  For some reason, I kept wanting to call her Amy.  I looked through summaries of the book and reviews and could not find her name anywhere.  That's because this isn't about her.  She is any girl in Anytown USA.  It could have been any female.  The story was more about Zuke game planning to win her heart and we saw the journey through his eyes, which I found to be unique.  You're not usually privy to the guy's point of view. 
I found the story to be well organized.  I could clearly see the Rising Action, Climax, then the Falling Action.  I was sucked in during the Rising Action because I wanted to see how Zuke's pursuit of Abby was going to turn out.  I really need to go back and read the book again because I was so interested in this aspect that I glossed over so many of the character building details that could help me to put together the entire picture of who Zuke is.

The Bottom Line

I loved this book, because it made me think of my college life.  I have to admit though, I never had a friend that was nicknamed Flabby, although I could have easily inserted Big Red.  The point is that we all have a group of friends in college that we do weird things with, or have unusual rituals that we share amongst each other.  Reading this book took me back to a place where I could recall these activities. This book will take you on the journey that you once took in high school or college with a great group of friends that you did everything with.  What you won't get in Love on The Big Screen is the predictable journey.  Life isn't predictable, so I feel like that is the one thing that Torgerson did that most people can embrace.  He stayed true to himself by taking us on a voyage that made me think he was waiting to see how it was going to turn out himself.  Life is not something that you can map out and come out with the canned response.  Whenever you think things are lining up, there is always an unusual circumstance that comes up that is unforeseen.  That's what I like most about Torgerson's writing style. 

What I didn't like is that the book ended where it did.  I would love for there to be a sequel or epilogue that picks up right where this book ends.  It wasn't exactly a cliffhanger ending, but it left me wanting more.  I suppose that's the gift of a good writer.  They leave you wanting more.

The Birth of Dorm Ball

One day, my friends and I were hanging out in my dorm room and someone began throwing a basketball up in the air, as if they were taking the game winning shot in the NBA Finals or something.  As we continued to talk, the ball continued to go up towards the ceiling and fall back into their outstretched arms.  As this went on, we collectively wondered how close he could get the ball to the ceiling without the ball hitting.  From there, Dorm Ball was invented.

How to play Dorm Ball

1.  There are 10 rounds

2.  There are 2 players

3.  Each player sits at the far corner of the room so that they are at the furthest point, diagonally, away from each other.

4.  Each player gets one throw per round.  During this throw, they have to throw the ball to the person on the opposite side of the room.  The object is to arc the ball as close to the ceiling as possible without having the ball hitting it.  Also, the ball must go to the other player without the partner having to move from their seat to catch the ball.

5.  There is a third person, who sits in the middle and scores the entire competition for both sides.

6.  Scoring is from 0-10.  A 10 is in the "I can't believe that didn't hit the ceiling category".  Anything less than 5 is a completely pathetic throw.  If the ball hits the ceiling or if the opposing player is unable to catch the ball because it's a bad throw, then a score of 0 is awarded for that round.  If the ball lands short of the opposing player as a catchable throw, but that player drops or doesn't try for it, then there is no penalty to the thrower.

7.  After each player has completed 10 rounds, the scores are tallied and whoever has more points is the champion.  If the players are tied, then there is a 3-round overtime period.

St. Patrick's Day Parade

This is a little delayed, but in the category of "Better Late Than Never", here is my recap of the St. Patrick's Day Parade held in Uptown.  It's remarkable to me that the only college to be represented in the parade was good old St. Bonaventure, even though our school is a good 10-12 hours away.  It was an early start to the day at Town Tavern, where a good amount of St. Bonaventure graduates met up for some fellowship and laughs.  By this blogger's estimate, there were about 45-60 alumni packing into this bar. 
There was a lot of laughing and reminiscing about the good times at school and updates about our current situations.  There were 3 people at Town Tavern who actually lived on my floor during Freshman year at Bonas.  Small world!  We spent the wee hours of the morning catching up before heading into the position for the parade.  Armed with our St. Patrick's Day T-Shirts and Bojangles cups, we all marched to the float that you can see above and below.  You probably could have fit about 20-30 people on the float but, for some reason, the person driving the float only wanted about 8 people on the float.  Truth be told, our float wasn't exactly designed by the Acme Float Company.  With every step you took on the float it rocked one way or the other.  We probably could have done a great Hawaii 5-0 skit by using the float as a surf board that was going over some waves.  A great idea, that obviously went unconsidered is that if you don't want the float to hold more than 8 people, than build things onto the float that prevent people from standing on there.  As it was our float was just a series of platforms just inviting people to ride on the float.  I'm pretty sure Miss America never had to endure this.  In any event, we went through the parade with about 15-20 people on the float, and most of us were bouncing up and down to the music. 

You can get a better view of the float from the picture above.  As you can see, there is a significant amount of real estate for people to go on the parade route from the float. 

I've been to several parades as a child and it never occurred to me that the people in the parade could be "Average Joe's" like my classmates and I.  It was truly amazing how many people came out just to see the floats go by.  There were several people who recognized our school and "Cat-Called" to us from the crowd.  It was so exciting to hear so many people cheering for our university.
The actual parade route was probably about 30-45 minutes, but we had such a great time!  There were easily thousands of people in attendance.  At any particular junction, you could see that the crowd was about 10 people deep and it seemed to go on forever.

This is my view from the float.  You can see the impressive crowd along one side of the float.  This was easily rivaled on the opposite side of the street.  Again, you can see how amazed these kids are by our float.  You would have thought Chris Rock was on the float or something.  I seriously spent at least half of the parade thinking to myself, "I wonder what these kids are finding so enthralling about our float.  Did someone fall off the float or something?"  The good news is that no one fell off, it's just us and our green shirted unity that the masses had their attention sucked into.  My friend, Joe, is seen walking along the float in an effort to calm the float driver's nerves after asking, several times, for people to get off of the float.  For some reason, I don't recall hearing the driver asking.  Perhaps it was the girl next to me who was yelling and bouncing up and down like she was on a trampoline.  Let's just say that stability was not a big selling point of this particular float.  A large gust of wind...who am I kidding....any wind at all would have been problematic for this float as it was teetering and tottering as it was under perfectly ideal conditions.  I'm pretty sure it's parade float days are in the rear view.

Once the parade route was over, we all went our separate ways.  There was a cool Irish festival that was located at the end of the parade route and there were so many things to see.  There were Irish knick-knacks to buy.  Against my better judgment, I bought one.  There was food and drinks that could have satisfied even the pickiest individual, and to top it all off, there were singers and dancers.  It was a lot of fun!  I can't wait until next year so that I can relive the entire experience!

LLEGANDO A...BOO-BOO-DINI IN FLORIDA!

What is a dog to do if she can't take a vacation once in awhile?  Poor Sammie!  She has the daily grind of laying in bed, eating breakfast, taking 2-3 walks, and then sleeping around the house all day with a swizzle or two in the mix to break things up. 
Last weekend, she got to go on a much needed vacation to see Grandma in Florida.

Here we are in the car on the way down to see Grandma!  As you can see, Sammie is very excited!  She loves going for car rides and by the looks of this, you would think that we do also.

She loves staring down other drivers as they pass by.  I'm pretty sure that they always blink first.  She's a tenacious little one when it comes to her mind tricks.

The sun and paparazzi were bothering her eyes.  Of course, we had to protect her privacy!

Photo time with her favorite Great-Grandpa, Bop!   Just as we said "Cheese", she saw a cookie out of the corner of her eye.

Picture time with Sammie and Grandma!  Again, distracted by dreams of cookies that might be slightly off-camera.  Alas, it was not to be.

Relaxing in the pool!  Sammie's wondering "Where in the world did my sunglasses get away to?"

Swimming lessons for Sammie!  Here she is, learning how to float.  Look at her paws.  They are screaming, "This is the life!"

The end of a tiring day.  Sammie is like "Daddy, I can't swim one more lap, carry me out please!"

Leardini is like Smith

When I was growing up, I had many people tell me that my name was unusual.  Well, you can only listen to this so many times until you conduct some informal research to see exactly how unusual it really is.  Well, come to find out, if you research the name Leardini in Italy, it turns out that's it's much more common.  It's almost like looking in a phone book in the United States for the name Smith.  Ok, well, it's probably not that common, but there are several people with the last name "Leardini" in Italy and the surrounding region. 


There are even a lot of Leardini's in California that I have never even met or talked to.  So, the Leardini name is much more prevalent than even I knew when I was growing up. 

When I was growing up, I thought that everyone in the world was Italian and Catholic.  When I go back to look at my high school yearbook, about 85% of the people had a name that ended in a vowel.  I'm sure there were all different denominations of churches where I grew up, but I thought they were all Catholic.  Even when I went to college, almost everyone was Catholic.  In fact, there were even masses held on campus.  Come to think of it, though, not too many of my friends were interested in attending.  It was a huge surprise when I moved down south to see that there weren't very many Catholic churches.  In my area, there are 4-5 that are within reasonable driving distance, but there are a lot of other denominations that I am aware of.  To get to our church, we pass at least 2-3 different denominations, maybe more.  Growing up, we passed 2-3 Catholic churches to get to ours.  It's funny to think about how different things are and how my perception of things changed. 

Interesting little tid-bit.  One of our favorite news anchors/reporters was Ben Thompson, who was with our ABC affiliate.  Ben was the late night reporter during the week and on the weekend, he was on the anchor desk.  Then one weekend, he wasn't there anymore.  It's almost like some of these anchors become part of your family.  You see them every so often and trust them to bring you the latest news.  Then, one day, they're gone.  I spent moments over the next several months wondering where Ben went to and why he wasn't on the news any longer.  Then, this past weekend, there was a rain storm in our area and they reported on the NBC affiliate that Ben Thompson was reporting at the scene!  So, now I have a decision to make because, I really don't enjoy watching the NBC channel because I think there news broadcast is mostly fluff.  Also, there are quite a few "family members" that I enjoy watching on the ABC channel.  Let's face it, I'm a creature of habit, so it's going to be a rare day that I switch the channel, but I like Ben, so I just might check him out.  Who knows, maybe he'll bring some credibility to the news.

Boo-Boo Mania!

How To....Not Get Sick!

Not a doctor or anything, but here's my take on this. 
1.  Don't touch door knobs or handles. 
This one can't be understated.  If you don't believe me, observe how few people actually wash their hands while in the bathroom.  I remember thinking that almost everyone did.  Wow, was I wrong.  I believe the actual, in office, percentage is more like 50-60%.  I wish that I was kidding.  These slobs then go and grab the same door knob or handle that you will grab when you follow them out the door.  Avoid this by using a paper towel or your shirt sleeve to grab the door knob or handle.  If this isn't possible, then try to grab a part of the door handle that most people wouldn't think of touching.  I usually try to grab the very bottom of the handle.  Like most things, I'm probably outsmarting myself on this one.  The truth is that some snot nosed kid probably grabs the bottom of the handle because it's the only part they can reach.  Right after them, here I am grabbing a handful of their germs.  Blech!
2.  Clean and wipe down anything and everything on your desk, often!
While less egregious, the next offense is probably ten times more potent.  Ever notice the person in your office that is sick and uses their hand to cover their mouth when they sneeze or cough?  How considerate of them, you think.  Think again.  Ok, first of all, hasn't anyone ever heard of coughing and sneezing into their elbow or arm?  Come on people, use some common sense.  If everyone would just use their arm rather than hands to cough/sneeze into, then we would probably eliminate the spread of germs by at least 20-25%.  Instead, they cough or sneeze into their meathooks, which are now, *Shock Alert*, filled with germs, mucus, and other fun little treats.  The petri dish that now exists at the end of their arms are soon to pass a litany of diseases on to you.  "How?", you ask.  They come to your desk and "borrow" your pen, stapler, hole punch, mouse, keyboard, etc.  Next thing you know, you're using these objects and the germs go right to you.  Honestly, at this point, I want them to just keep the items that they've "borrowed".  "No, really, I insist, you keep the pen!" 
3.  Don't touch your face!
So, when the goober in your office finishes sneezing all over their hands and then grabbing your pens, you unknowingly transfer these disgusting germs to yourself by using the item they've borrowed and then touching your face with the very hand that is having it's own personal "Germ-O-Rama".  The "Germ-mobile" has now made it's delivery by way of the infested co-worker's hands, onto your desk supplies, and onto your face by way of your hand. Gross!  This is one that I've got to think about everyday.  I constantly touch my face without thinking about what I've just touched or who I've come into contact with.  As a result, I'm in the bathroom washing my hands like it's my job.  Now, if only I could get that written into my review.  Pefect transition to my next point....
4.  Wash your hands often!
So, your co-worker has the courtesy of sneezing or coughing the contents of the Physician's Desk Reference onto your belongings.  Even more considerate than that is they don't have the common sense to wash their hands before spreading their "cheer" onto you.  Don't let their negligence put you at risk!  Head right into the bathroom and wash your hands, especially if one of these sickly individuals has "made nice" with any or all of your belongings.  I know that I'm a little excessive when it comes to this, but I'll even take Clorox Wipes and clean the items that I believe have been used/touched by others.  Many people will keep a bottle of hand sanitizer at their desk, but I personally feel gross after using it because my hands feel sticky and icky.  It's just a complex and in reality your hands are much cleaner after using the sanitizer than before.  My point is that whether it's soap or sanitizer, it beats the fool who's been digging in their bodily orfices and are now touching everything you hold as holy and sacred on your desk/person.
5.  Use Listerene and Nasal Rinse on a Regular Basis
Among the endless forwards that I receive and delete without reading, there actually was one that I was glad I took note of.  It was going through all these ways to stay healthy and the #1 piece of advice was to use Listerene and a nasal rinse twice daily.  The idea behind these 2 is that when the inconsiderate "piece of work" in your office passes on the gift that keeps on giving, it doesn't inflict bodily harm right away.  The germs have to infect your body somehow and usually that is by getting into your nasal passages or mouth/throat.  They use these parts of your body to grow until they are able to infect and hamper your immune system.  The best way to combat this, once the germs are in your body, is to rid yourself of them before they begin to grow and cultivate.  Use Listerene in your mouth, by gargling for 30 seconds or so.  This will kill most, if not all germs in your mouth.  The nasal rinse performs a similar function in your nose.  The lack of use of the nasal rinse is particularly disturbing to me.  You wouldn't think of going anywhere without brushing your teeth twice a day, so why would you think of not cleaning out your nasal passages just as often.  As entertaining as it is to walk around with the buildup of dirt and germs in your nose, it's probably one of the more objectionable parts of daily hygiene that people are oblivious to.  I'm sorry, blowing your nose is not a substitute to this.  If that were the case, why not rub some tissue along your teeth instead of brushing/flossing.  If you agree with that, you're probably the specimen that doesn't wash your hands when you're walking out of the bathroom in front of me.  I remember talking about the nasal rinse with my grandma and she replied, "...my doctor said that I've got to do this everyday for it to be effective."  Really, grandma?  You don't say. What's the problem with that?  This isn't like waxing a car where you can do it two or three times a year and the snot beads off of your nose for months at a time. 

6.  Avoid the plague, like it's the plague...or something...
If you see a sickly individual around you, avoid them as much as possible.  My co-worker has no problem telling the nearest walking infection to get away from her.  She'll turn to their face and say, "You can leave now!"  She's got the right idea.  While it may seem to be insensitive, I say it's every man/woman/child for themselves in avoiding the next illness.  Just think, is that person going to be there for you while you're at home laying in bed unable to breathe properly?  Most likely, they're feeling better by then and living it up while you're suffering through every breath.

Good times, right?

Mason-Dixon

One of the more fascinating "landmarks" in the United States is the Mason-Dixon line.  Supposedly, this is the line that divides the north from the south.  There is a sign denoting it's presence at the southern most border of Pennsylvania along interstate 95.  For some reason, I've not noticed this on the western border of Pennsylvania when traveling along interstate 79. 
So, why write a blog about this, right?  Well while I report that there is a sign denoting the point at which a person approaches the Mason-Dixon Line, there appears to be no other physical landmarks to visit at this point.  My trusty friend, the Internet, has told me that there are small stone markers that occur every 5 miles near the Mason-Dixon Line to denote where you are in relation to the line with a "P" engraving meaning you are on the Pennsylvania side and an "M" engraving meaning that you are on the Maryland side of the line.

When I used to teach, the students had to take their standardized tests with roughly a month left in the school year.  After this, many teachers showed movies, had "Play Day" or other activities that were not largely attached to the objectives that had to be taught throughout the year and were largely tertiary in relation to normal instruction.  I never believed in this, mainly because it was my job to teach as long as school was in session, but also because I observed that many classrooms had behavior problems due to the unstructured nature of these school days.  My goal was to keep the day as normal as possible.  One activity that I used to work with students on was to plan a trip across the country.  During this trip, there were certain things that they would have to work into their trip, such as determining how much gas they would have to buy, where they would eat, and most importantly, which landmarks they would like to visit.  Great idea, right?  Well, it wasn't without complications.  One group decided that they would like to plan a trip to the Mason-Dixon Line. 

Here's my transcript of this revelation:
Me: Where are you traveling to?
Student: The Mason-Dixon Line...
Me: Why?
Student: Uh........
Me: What are you hoping to see there
*At this point, all of the students in the group are looking at each other trying to recall why they thought of this landmark.*
Me: Here's the deal, you've got to choose landmarks where there are things to do.  Do you know of any activities at the Mason-Dixon Line?
Student: Um.....no
Me: There might be more to it than this, but as far as I'm aware, there is a sign at the side of the Interstate saying "Mason-Dixon Line" and that's it.  It's not like there is a line painted across the road with a museum attached.
Student: Oh
Me: You can still go to the Mason-Dixon Line, but it won't count as one of your five landmarks

Student looks at me as if I'm crazy with the "Why would I want to do that" expression on their face.
Mission Accomplished and yet still Impossible.

So, beyond the fact that I taught my students the important lesson of working smarter not harder, I was also disappointed to reflect on the fact that there wasn't any museum of sorts to commemorate the Mason-Dixon Line.  It's one of the most famous lines in the United States.  After all, especially along the east coast, you always here someone say
"That's the stupidest looking outfit this side of Mason-Dixon..." or
"That is the finest cow this side of Mason-Dixon...", etc.
You get the idea.  Most great or dubious ideas are held in the regard of being the top or bottom in relation to their location with respect to Mason-Dixon.  As if, there could be a finer cow on the other side of Mason-Dixon, but we can't be sure so we're going to put the disclaimer out there.

Would love to report that this is the finest blog this side of Mason-Dixon, but sadly, when you write a blog about Mason-Dixon, you've said all that you have to say about your status.  Maybe I'll just buy one of those "Adopt-a-Highway" signs so I can at least put myself on par with Mason-Dixon, give or take a bicentennial.

Weekend's the Time!

New furniture delivery this morning!  We got a new sectional and man did we need it.  Our old couch was 7 years old and everytime you sat in it, you collapsed into the middle of the back cushions, so if you wanted to talk to anyone, you'd have to push the side of the cushion back because otherwise you'd now be talking to the pillow.  Plus, this sectional can easily seat 5, maybe 6 people, whereas our old couch could maybe seat 2-3, mostly because one slob would sit on it, spread his legs and take up 2.5 seats all by himself.  Said person most likely smelled completely rank, so the greater majority of our friends have no interest in sitting near this person in the half of a seat that is now available on the couch.  So then what happens is Smelly Friend ends up sitting on the couch with all of the cushions caved in, while everyone else at our party stands around keeping their distance.  After some time, Smelly Friend gets up and the couch looks like a crime scene with cushions all over the place, the couch being slid back and forth so that it is now at a diagonal angle from where it originally sat, and the pillows are tossed amuck. 

Having said that, we posted the old couch on Craigslist and a wonderful couple came and picked it up.  They were moving into their first apartment, so this was a perfect set up for them.  They got an entire room of furniture and we got rid of an overcrowding furniture situation that dated back to the wall to wall furniture situation that I referenced in the Man Fest blog.  I think the only person who might be disappointed is Sammie, because the Love Seat was where she slept some of the time during the day.  Not to fear though, there are 2 other couches that she can sleep on.

Our new couch is so big that even Shaq can sleep on it.  I'm fully stretched out and not even reaching the last couch cushion.  Isn't that crazy?  It's about time we owned some furniture like this.  I'm wondering if this means we're officially adults.  You know how it is when you first move out.  All of your furniture is hand me down, or mix matched.  You'll walk in to a home with this furniture and you'll see something out of an Austin Powers movie.  There'll be some wild colors - something bright orange or purple resembling a Sesame Street character.  You're sitting down on it wondering if it's going to ask you to be their neighbor or something.  Then you graduate to your first set.  It's basically the cheapest set that matches.  You're complimented by all of your friends because you have actually found something north of the garage sale.  "OH!  Look at this!  It looks great!" really means "Thank goodness you finally came to your senses, or somebody clubbed you from the back and you realized that it was time to get something that didn't look like it was a hand me down from Sanford and Son." 

So, you go for years with this starter set, mainly because you don't have the money to buy anything legit.  You've got student loans, credit cards, mortgage, car payments, etc.  New furniture isn't high on the priority list.  Especially when you start off the conversation by saying "Let's see what we can get for $2-3 hundred".  The sales person is literally pointing out the front window to the Flea Market that is across the street.  "I'm sure that you'll find something over there, and if not there is a Good Will down the block."  Nice!

So, that's where we are in our life.  We finally upgraded from the starter set to the legit set.  FYI, it didn't take Sammie more than a few hours to leap up on the couch and curl up.  We were like, "GET DOWN SAMMMMMMMMMMMMIE!"  Basically she just looked at us, as if to say "Who me?"  =)  Thanks to Grandma, she got in the habit.  Grandma can't say no to those big beautiful doggie eyes!

MAN FEST!

Wedding Day Smedding Day!  This is the story of the birth of MAN FEST! (a.k.a the story of my marriage ceremony)  It's the day that many women think about from the time they are a little girl and that most guys think of during that morning or somewhere thereabouts.

The morning of my wedding began the day of Man Glory. My friends met at my apartment, which was sometimes confused with the Toxic Landfill nearby.  While most people rent a storage unit or, God forbid, throw things away when they move from one place to another, my wife and I decided that we wanted to live with all of our earthly possessions.  We were waiting for our new house to be built and in the meantime we were staying in an apartment that was doubling as a garage sale or fallout shelter.  Many people credit the term "Ground Zero" with the site of the World Trade Center.  Not true, it wasn't until years later when the maintainence man tried to come into our apartment to change an air filter and then, looking around at the filth, realized it wouldn't make much of a difference and coined the magic phrase while filming the pilot video for "Hoarders" in our back bedroom.  Ultimately, the show never got off the ground because there weren't any other people who could match our collection of filth, funk, and resemblence to land fill properties within their living space.  It wasn't anything out of the ordinary in this bedroom.  Just normal stuff, like a gas grill, landscaping bricks, a lawn mower, mattresses, bicycles, book cases, an aquarium, and almost anything else you can think of.  That did not leave much imagination for the living room, whose best feature was the wall to wall couches.  We were all set if the Brady Bunch and their extended family/life partners wanted to come over for a visit.  Seriously, the apartment couldn't have been more than 700 square feet, but after you took into account all of our belongings, we were reduced to a spacious 35-40 square feet of walkable area.  I believe that the step to kick/trip ratio even got up to 4 to 1 at one point after a random garbage day. With that in mind, the only people we invited over were those with empty cars so that they could take some "parting presents" when they left, so you could see that this was going to be a truly special day. 

On the morning of the wedding, similar to most guys I was wracked with nerves as I turned on my Playstation to play Home Run Derby.  There were a million things on my mind, such as whether or not there was a toggle switch that could simulate Giambi's steroid use and resulting production, or which stadium to use that would favor the various home run hitters, or how many games we could get in and still take advantage of the free breakfast that was waiting for us at the hotel, and a litany of other concerns that were fresh on my mind.  In the end, I knew that I had made the right decision on this day.  You see, Gary Sheffield is a power hitter to left and Wrigley Field was a right handed hitter's paradise.  I suppose that it was meant to be that I win the Home Run Derby on my wedding day, either that or my friends were unconscious from the methane gas that I'm sure was eminating from our apartment de jour.

After a few games, we piled into my car to head for the hotel, where the women had been up for hours and off to get their hair and makeup done.  I, on the other hand, was still wearing my favorite FILA shorts and the T-Shirt that I had slept in the night before.  I had an awesome breakfast, complete with any food item that I could hope for.  Before long, I noticed the photographer ambling about.  While my wrinkled T-Shirt looked good to me, I'm pretty confident that it would fly like a fart in church for our wedding pictures.  I was pretty sure we were supposed to get a fair amount of "pre-game" photos and here it was about 3 hours before the wedding and I had egg on my face, literally - they were delicious though so it was worth it.

Once all of the groomsmen got dressed, we went downstairs for some "pre-game" photos before boarding the trolley that would take us to the church.  Once at the church, all of the groomsmen assumed the position.  That is, the position of making fun of me.  We had written some reflective passages in our program about each member of the bridal party.  While we were really appreciative of all that the groomsmen did for us, I believe the fart noises and belching will stand out most in my mind, while they each claimed to be the "brother I never had".  I hadn't seen this many brothers since I had visited the Friar House at St. Bonaventure.

Fast forward past all of the jokes and noises and it was finally time to take my place in the room behind the alter and wait for the ceremony to begin.  Except that I noticed in this back room that there was a surplus of the body and blood of Christ in it's unblessed state.  After discussing the matter, my best man and I decided that we would pass Go and head straight for Hell if we tampered with the bread and wine, and also that our relative hunger and thirst levels would not be a talking point in our favor.  So, clearly famished, we headed out to the alter to await the magical appearance of the bride. 

Everything was perfect, the attire, the smile, the timing, the hair, and...well it's probably a stretch to say that the hair was perfect as I was clearly balding at the time.  On a side note, my wife looked beautiful as well.  Then the mass began and all of the pagans sat in confusion as we worked through the service that was as familiar to the crowd as an igloo tribe in the west wing of a raging inferno.  After some initial confusion though, they all seemed to slip comfortably into slumber and the service went rather smoothly.

Then, the part of the wedding that everyone was waiting for...OPEN BAR TIME in the hotel lobby at the reception.  My wife and I walked around and observed that there wasn't a dry eye, or palate for that matter, in the house.  I'm pretty sure sobriety was at a minimum as well.  I mean, what was this, Amateur hour?  Apparently, tolerance only comes into play in nonalcholic situations.  Do they not allow alcohol into the Senior Center?  How did these people get to be senile anyway?  Something's got to take the edge off when your spouse has been nagging you to death for the past 20, 30, 40, 50 years or so, doesn't it?  Anyone ever hear of the old flask on the garter trick?  Guess not...

Finally, the main event was upon us.  The reception hall opened and the beginning of my three meal plated dinner was about to begin.  This well crafted strategy was birthed almost from the moment I slid the engagement ring on my wife's finger when I devised this plan by which I would eat each one of the meals that was offered to our guests on that day.  Similar to many great ideas, this was not without flaw as midway through the 2nd meal I began to think back to the tuxedo rental day.  It was at this moment that I truly realized the advantages my trained sales professional was speaking of in reference to the adjustable waist band on my tuxedo pants. Unfortunately, these pants were still hanging in the window of the rental store as I opted for the less expensive "Spanx" prototype model which, in an emergency, can double as a tourniquet.  Fortunately you can view these circulation stifling beauties in many of my wedding photos.  If I had only consulted trained professionals, such as, Eater X, Takero Kobiyashi, The Black Widow, or Joey Chestnut, then I'm confident I could have plowed ahead.  Instead, I sat with borderline indigestion and a gurggling stomach.  Once recovered from wedding meal heaven, I looked up from my unfinished portion of food to notice that I was the only person from the bridal party left at the head table surrounded by all of my friends, er, I mean all of my plated meals.

All in all, a perfect wedding.  Who said that the day is all about the women?  But I can't help but think about the one that got away.  I should have eaten the Chicken first and it wouldn't have gone to waste...

For Men across the world, Wedding Day is no more.  A Man's Day of Marriage will now be known as Man Fest!  HOORAY MAN FEST!