So, About That Last Post...

No sooner do I submit the last post than I notice how incredibly hot it has gotten yesterday afternoon.  Long story short - Don't cut off your nose to spite your face!

There was no way our house was cooling down last night.  We could have had a fan in every window, so we broke down and turned on the AC.  What a great decision!  When I woke up this morning, it was warmer outside than it was in our house.  Ugh!  Just imagine if I had slept through that mess!  The morale of the story is that once the overnight low gets to be 68 or higher in the east, there is no amount of cooling you can do with open windows because the air is as thick as pea soup. 

After a few tense moments where the temperature was out of control, the house began to cool down and we were good to go.  We were still able to conserve though, because we were able to turn the AC off during the day, so there was a good 8-10 hours where the AC was not running - this while it was 101 degrees today!  When it cools down a  little bit we will be able to run it a little less, but as I said before, no need to be penny wise and dollar foolish.

The Grass Isn't Always Greener...wait, is that a Woodpecker?

In the "My Alarm Clock is Broken" category...

So, I'm sleeping the other morning and I hear this "waking the dead" kind of noise.  No idea what it is, but it's bothering me from the remainder of my slumber.  By the time I realize something has woken me up, the noise disappears and I am free to go back to sleep, except there it is again.  I turn over and notice that Jill is sleeping with her face towards mine.  That spells instant problem because she is a notorious mouth breather and I've now realized that she is inflicting some kind of bodily harm on my eardrums.  I go to nudge the top of her head and she shrieks out, "I'M NOT SNORING!  IT'S A WOODPECKER OUTSIDE AND IT'S KEPT ME UP FOR THE PAST HALF HOUR!" 

I walk over to our bathroom window, which is still open despite scorching heat (More on that later), and try to look out for our friendly neighborhood woodpecker.  Of course, I can't see anything.  Even if I had my contacts in, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have seen anything.  All of a sudden, I hear this jackhammer type noise and it sounds like it's coming from the part of the wall I'm leaning against.  I do what every problem solver might do in this situation, I pound the wall.  The noise goes away, and I'm left to wonder at this point whether or not this woodpecker is living in the walls of our home, or maybe the attic, or who knows where. 

Did I mention that the clock reads 6:27 am at this point?

A few days go by and there is no further performances from Woody.  But with the Memorial Day Weekend in full swing, he has been out with avengence.  Every morning, between 6:27 and 6:47, he has come back to our home.  I mentioned this to my dad and he suggested getting the hose and squirting him if I can see him from outside.  While I wasn't able to do this, I did notice that he is on top of our roof pecking at our gutter (which is made of aluminum, not wood).  This pecking of the gutter is making a noise that is reverberating throughout our house.  I think he's either mentally challenged, or this is some rudimentary form of beak sharpening.  My way to combat this over the past several mornings has been to go over and hit the wall/window and Woody flies away to another locale for the matinee performance. 

Good to know that he'll continue to come around because if the power goes out, I'm not going to have to worry about the alarm clock.  Woody's got me covered.

Heh, heh, heh-heh-heh.....That's all folks!

Cool Cash!

I really hate heating and air conditioning.  Mainly because all of the nasty particles that are in your house get sucked into your vents.  Then, no matter how good your air filters are, you end up breathing that junk back into your lungs.  People wonder why they are sick or have stuffy noses.  So each spring and fall, I relish the opportunity to turn off my heating and cooling system and open up the doors and windows.  The past twelve months have seemed much warmer than in years past.  I don't think I was able to turn off the A/C until deep into October and now here we are approaching 90 degrees on a daily basis and it's not even June yet.  In order to stem the tide for a few more weeks, what we have done is employed use of my trusty box fan.  Here is how it works -

Step 1: When we wake up in the morning, we wait until 8 or 9 (basically until the sun begins to hit the front of the house) and we shut all of the windows and doors.  We leave the blinds closed so that the sunlight is blocked from coming in.  We have those faux wood blinds from Lowe's that are white so they let in a good amount of light even if they are closed.

Step 2: Once the indoor and outdoor temperatures begin to equalize, or once the sun stops hitting the front of the house we open everything back up.  This worked until the overnight temperatures crept into the 60s.  Once this happened, our house wouldn't cool off fast enough.  The air is cooler outside, but there is no breeze to bring it inside, so we're stuck with the same stagnant air we've had all day.  At this point, we move on to Step 3.

Step 3:  We take our large box fan and stick it in the side window.  It's perfect here, because it's not visible from the road, or neighbors behind us.  This will ensure that we won't get the "Redneck Warning Notice" or "RWN" as I like to call it, from our Home Owner's Association. 

As a side note, are the Home Owner's Associations becoming like the mafia or is it just me?  We just a slap on the wrist when we moved into the neighborhood because of the red mulch in our front yard.  Not because it looked sloppy; because it was red.  Their logic was because if they allow red mulch, then they have to allow blue mulch, green mulch, etc.  Are you kidding me with this?  No one makes blue or green mulch.  It was the most capricious argument I had ever heard of.  I'm all for the HOA, because I don't want to live in a neighborhood with people parking on their front lawn, or putting a couch on their front porch, etc., but come on.  We had to get approval every time we wanted to plant a daisy by our mailbox.  (Fortunately, this ridiculous approval process has since gone away.)

Now that I took that tangent way out into left field, I'll go back to my clean air fantasy.  Last night, as an example, the temperature dropped 8 degrees in our house from the time we put in the fan, until the time we woke up the next morning.  We could have spent a bundle and used our A/C.  However, the fans - Which use almost nothing in electricity by comparison - did the job and gave us a cool night.  Best of all, our air is as clear as the suburbs will allow.  Once May turns into June, the humidity will hit and there will be no amount of fans that can cool off our home then, so we have to enjoy this while it lasts. 

A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush...

Who is going around thinking of these phrases?  I understand this to mean that the catch that you have is better than two that you could potentially get, but come on.  Unless you're hunting, why would you have a bird in your hand?

Discretion is the Better Part of Valor -
Now this is one of my favorite sayings.  I have to admit though, I'm still in the learning stage on this one.  Sometimes, it's so tempting to say exactly what is on your mind.

For example, we were eating dinner at my grandmother's house when we were younger and my uncle (her son) was recounting the Billy Joel song "Only The Good Die Young".  He said "Ma, if only the good die young, then you're going to live to be 150."
Perhaps, discretion could have been used here.  I have to admit though that it was pretty funny. 

The best part about writing this random blog is that while I'm typing, my wife, the Phillies fan, is sitting next to me, riveted by the Yankees-Orioles extra inning game.  To be honest, I'm not even riveted.  Sick to my stomach is probably more appropriate.  I mean, not to belabor the point, but if this game gets any worse, we're going to need a wet cleanup next to the couch.

Excuse me while I cut your head off to get ahead...

People don't care in this day and age.  To paraphrase Nene Leakes from The Celebrity Apprentice People will cut your darn head off to win.  Not news, I realize, but when did life become so impersonal?  I remember when I was in high school and college, my jobs were the best!  I loved going to work.  I tell many people that the best job that I've ever had was the one where I made $6.00 an hour cashing out people at the gas station. 
I remember that I came in to work on my birthday and all of the people who worked there came in to wish me a happy birthday and they made me cupcakes and we had a great time.  Now, you're lucky if you get the "Happy Birthday" email.  Then there's the card that everyone that works in the office signs and there is nothing close to a personal message in the card.  It's so impersonal that it's ridiculous.

Thinking back to that job, many of my favorite lines were born there:
1.  From a DJ that used to come by at least twice a week, in response to playing objectional music for an upcoming party he was working:
"That would fly like a fart in church"
2.  To a coworker when discussing our dumpster, which was painted blue:
"You have a date with Big Blue"
3.  Regarding the temperature that was out of control
Person 1: "Man, is it hot in here or is it just me?"
Person 2: "Oh no, it's me!"
4.  Coworker obsessively trying to clear something from eye:
Person 1 - "There's something in my eye"
Person 2 - "Ok.....ok....enough with the cheesy pick up lines"
5.  Proprietor to employee 1:
"Can I see you in the Manager's Office?"
Employee 2 to Employee 3
"Wonder what that is all about..."
Employee 3 *Winks*
"Oh she's going in there for a little extra..."*Nods and smiles*

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Love On The Big Screen

Love On The Big Screen is a novel, written by William J. Torgerson.  This book is about a guy, named Zuke, who is trying to find love. 
In many ways, I can relate to Zuke.  Throughout my formative years, many people would tell me that I was trying too hard to fall in love or find the right girl.  At times, I would say that Zuke is obsessed.  It seems like he has a whole business plan for how to capture the heart of Abby. 
To show you how the story is layed out, I had forgotten Abby's name.  For some reason, I kept wanting to call her Amy.  I looked through summaries of the book and reviews and could not find her name anywhere.  That's because this isn't about her.  She is any girl in Anytown USA.  It could have been any female.  The story was more about Zuke game planning to win her heart and we saw the journey through his eyes, which I found to be unique.  You're not usually privy to the guy's point of view. 
I found the story to be well organized.  I could clearly see the Rising Action, Climax, then the Falling Action.  I was sucked in during the Rising Action because I wanted to see how Zuke's pursuit of Abby was going to turn out.  I really need to go back and read the book again because I was so interested in this aspect that I glossed over so many of the character building details that could help me to put together the entire picture of who Zuke is.

The Bottom Line

I loved this book, because it made me think of my college life.  I have to admit though, I never had a friend that was nicknamed Flabby, although I could have easily inserted Big Red.  The point is that we all have a group of friends in college that we do weird things with, or have unusual rituals that we share amongst each other.  Reading this book took me back to a place where I could recall these activities. This book will take you on the journey that you once took in high school or college with a great group of friends that you did everything with.  What you won't get in Love on The Big Screen is the predictable journey.  Life isn't predictable, so I feel like that is the one thing that Torgerson did that most people can embrace.  He stayed true to himself by taking us on a voyage that made me think he was waiting to see how it was going to turn out himself.  Life is not something that you can map out and come out with the canned response.  Whenever you think things are lining up, there is always an unusual circumstance that comes up that is unforeseen.  That's what I like most about Torgerson's writing style. 

What I didn't like is that the book ended where it did.  I would love for there to be a sequel or epilogue that picks up right where this book ends.  It wasn't exactly a cliffhanger ending, but it left me wanting more.  I suppose that's the gift of a good writer.  They leave you wanting more.

The Birth of Dorm Ball

One day, my friends and I were hanging out in my dorm room and someone began throwing a basketball up in the air, as if they were taking the game winning shot in the NBA Finals or something.  As we continued to talk, the ball continued to go up towards the ceiling and fall back into their outstretched arms.  As this went on, we collectively wondered how close he could get the ball to the ceiling without the ball hitting.  From there, Dorm Ball was invented.

How to play Dorm Ball

1.  There are 10 rounds

2.  There are 2 players

3.  Each player sits at the far corner of the room so that they are at the furthest point, diagonally, away from each other.

4.  Each player gets one throw per round.  During this throw, they have to throw the ball to the person on the opposite side of the room.  The object is to arc the ball as close to the ceiling as possible without having the ball hitting it.  Also, the ball must go to the other player without the partner having to move from their seat to catch the ball.

5.  There is a third person, who sits in the middle and scores the entire competition for both sides.

6.  Scoring is from 0-10.  A 10 is in the "I can't believe that didn't hit the ceiling category".  Anything less than 5 is a completely pathetic throw.  If the ball hits the ceiling or if the opposing player is unable to catch the ball because it's a bad throw, then a score of 0 is awarded for that round.  If the ball lands short of the opposing player as a catchable throw, but that player drops or doesn't try for it, then there is no penalty to the thrower.

7.  After each player has completed 10 rounds, the scores are tallied and whoever has more points is the champion.  If the players are tied, then there is a 3-round overtime period.

St. Patrick's Day Parade

This is a little delayed, but in the category of "Better Late Than Never", here is my recap of the St. Patrick's Day Parade held in Uptown.  It's remarkable to me that the only college to be represented in the parade was good old St. Bonaventure, even though our school is a good 10-12 hours away.  It was an early start to the day at Town Tavern, where a good amount of St. Bonaventure graduates met up for some fellowship and laughs.  By this blogger's estimate, there were about 45-60 alumni packing into this bar. 
There was a lot of laughing and reminiscing about the good times at school and updates about our current situations.  There were 3 people at Town Tavern who actually lived on my floor during Freshman year at Bonas.  Small world!  We spent the wee hours of the morning catching up before heading into the position for the parade.  Armed with our St. Patrick's Day T-Shirts and Bojangles cups, we all marched to the float that you can see above and below.  You probably could have fit about 20-30 people on the float but, for some reason, the person driving the float only wanted about 8 people on the float.  Truth be told, our float wasn't exactly designed by the Acme Float Company.  With every step you took on the float it rocked one way or the other.  We probably could have done a great Hawaii 5-0 skit by using the float as a surf board that was going over some waves.  A great idea, that obviously went unconsidered is that if you don't want the float to hold more than 8 people, than build things onto the float that prevent people from standing on there.  As it was our float was just a series of platforms just inviting people to ride on the float.  I'm pretty sure Miss America never had to endure this.  In any event, we went through the parade with about 15-20 people on the float, and most of us were bouncing up and down to the music. 

You can get a better view of the float from the picture above.  As you can see, there is a significant amount of real estate for people to go on the parade route from the float. 

I've been to several parades as a child and it never occurred to me that the people in the parade could be "Average Joe's" like my classmates and I.  It was truly amazing how many people came out just to see the floats go by.  There were several people who recognized our school and "Cat-Called" to us from the crowd.  It was so exciting to hear so many people cheering for our university.
The actual parade route was probably about 30-45 minutes, but we had such a great time!  There were easily thousands of people in attendance.  At any particular junction, you could see that the crowd was about 10 people deep and it seemed to go on forever.

This is my view from the float.  You can see the impressive crowd along one side of the float.  This was easily rivaled on the opposite side of the street.  Again, you can see how amazed these kids are by our float.  You would have thought Chris Rock was on the float or something.  I seriously spent at least half of the parade thinking to myself, "I wonder what these kids are finding so enthralling about our float.  Did someone fall off the float or something?"  The good news is that no one fell off, it's just us and our green shirted unity that the masses had their attention sucked into.  My friend, Joe, is seen walking along the float in an effort to calm the float driver's nerves after asking, several times, for people to get off of the float.  For some reason, I don't recall hearing the driver asking.  Perhaps it was the girl next to me who was yelling and bouncing up and down like she was on a trampoline.  Let's just say that stability was not a big selling point of this particular float.  A large gust of wind...who am I kidding....any wind at all would have been problematic for this float as it was teetering and tottering as it was under perfectly ideal conditions.  I'm pretty sure it's parade float days are in the rear view.

Once the parade route was over, we all went our separate ways.  There was a cool Irish festival that was located at the end of the parade route and there were so many things to see.  There were Irish knick-knacks to buy.  Against my better judgment, I bought one.  There was food and drinks that could have satisfied even the pickiest individual, and to top it all off, there were singers and dancers.  It was a lot of fun!  I can't wait until next year so that I can relive the entire experience!